Parenthood. Perhaps it’s something you’ve always wanted. Or maybe you’re on the fence about it. Either way, planning for a baby is a big decision. Having children may be one of the best experiences of your life. It also requires an enormous amount of time, effort and responsibility.
Before you start planning for a baby and who will change diapers, you may want to ask yourself these questions:
- Are you financially stable enough to have children? Children are expensive. From diapers to bottles to soccer or to piano, these all add up. Not only do these add up, but having children sometimes means that your ability to work and earn money changes. You may decide to continue working full time, but that requires daycare, afterschool help and summer camps. You may decide to stay home, but that may mean a loss of an income. Children are a financial investment. Definitely worth every penny, but it’s helpful to be prepared for this. Specifically, begin thinking about the medical costs of pregnancy and care for the baby.
- Have you discussed your parenting style? We all have visions of how we want to parent and how we imagine we will deal with things when they come up. Will you follow a strict parenting style or a more relaxed one? How will you handle conflict, discipline and praise? Discuss these with your partner, so that you know you are on the same page when the baby arrives. Make sure you either share or acknowledge and respect each other’s values around parenting.
- Are you both on board about becoming parents? How invested are each of you in becoming parents. If only one of you wants a
baby, it can lead to serious challenges and conflicts in your relationship. Even pregnancies and children who are wanted and planned by both partners can create stress. The demands of parenting and caring for a baby are challenging and require you both to work together as a team. - How will you handle your relationship changes after having a baby? Babies and children require a great deal of time and resources. In the early days, much of your time is spent is spent caring and tending to your baby. You won’t be able to spend as much time with each other as you are used to. It’s helpful to have a plan on how you will navigate these changes, and how you plan to continue making time for each other.
- Are you ready for all of the other changes? A baby can be a beautiful addition to your family, but having a baby is more than just the little being you welcome into the world. A pregnant body is forever changed. Your identity changes as you grow into parenthood. Your values shift as you begin to consider how decisions will impact not just you and your partner, but also your children. Your relationships with friends and even family may change too.
- Are you ready to share your world with a child? Having children is a 24/7 job and there are no breaks. Not only that, but they need constant love, devotion and care from their parents. Their needs have to be met, along with your own. Your personal space will never be completely your own again. Neither will your time be your own.
Making the decision to become parents is a big one. It truly is life changing. When planning for a baby, carefully consider the changes and the responsibilities that come along with transforming your world of partnership to parenthood. This will help you feel confident about your decision so you can begin this season of your life with joy.